Here’s the deal; sometimes I think woah I must be pretty shit because I never really talk to anyone, vice versa, and so I never really make any friends. That must mean I’m just not nice or like.. friend material [LOL] But then, after an extended period of time I’ll talk to someone by accident and they seem to like me, like my humour and like that I keep it real. What? okay why is this happening. What changed?
I’ll tell you what changed; I actually said something. Generally I will stay pretty quiet and I also sat in the same area for the last 3 ish years and I found it hard to really get to know people. Since I was in the front of the class it was a little difficult to start talking in the middle of class and between classes I didn’t say much. Conveniently also, almost everyone at the front seems to have their like, class best friends sitting with them? That’s what happens when you miss orientation and every alcohol related event at school…
So sitting in the back gave me a lot of flexibility in general but it also gave me a chance to… talk to people that I didn’t really get to know before and kinda friendship them.
But that’s not even the half of it.
Mostly I think what changed is the fact that I have labs that require a lot of group work and so I ended up working with people, having no choice but to actually talk to them and so I can actually be myself around them because I’m actually talking. And to some people I’ve never exchanged more than a ‘hi’ with.
Occasionally I get this feeling that my blunt, forward personality is getting a little too much to handle but in my defense I think I do a good job of just being honest. And it’s completely fair for someone to just not like me for that because everyone is allowed to be a little beach at their own discretion, not that I’ve gotten any serious vibes of anyone disliking me [except one,
of course Ha]. I just panic a little when someone throws a compliment my way and my reflex response is always tempted to be something narcissistic and I know no one is ready for that version of myself [no one ever is to be fair]. It slips sometimes though; can’t be helped really.
Note: I wanted to make this longer… but I think what I wanted to say next is kind of it’s own topic. So hopefully I’ll write that up later today.